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01-13-02 - 10:24 p.m.

If my head doesn't burst, then my heart will, and I don't think I'd be able to handle that.

I went with Bryan tonight to get some gas in my car, and sitting behind someone at a stoplight, I found myself gazing at the license plate on the car ahead of mine. Bryan had been telling me a story about Kevin, his ex-boyfriend, and prior, I had been listening intently, as Kevin Stories prove to be hysterical 110% of the time.

But as I stared at the license plate, I couldn't listen to Bryan anymore. It's not that I didn't want to; it's that I couldn't focus on his words. In my head I was adding, subtracting, multiplying, and dividing the digits and letters on the plate, substituting numeric values for the letters (A=1, B=2, etc.). When I had done all that, I mentally factored each number and then, as the light turned green and the car before me drove away, I began factoring my sums, differences, products, and quotients. Then, having memorized the plate, I reversed my letter-to-numbers process and assigned each number to its corresponding letter, then making acronyms.

Bryan must have noticed that I wasn't paying attention to him, because he shouted, "LAURA!" and I came hurtling back to earth. He asked what the hell I was thinking, and I told him my processes and the solutions I'd come up with. He looked at me, saying, "Girl, you need a hobby!"

I told him, "I'm not the one who dyed my pubic hair turquoise."

"Touch�."

He patiently repeated his Kevin Story and I made sure to listen this time around. As he filled up the tank at the gas station, I leaned back in my seat, covered my eyes with my scarred hands, and attempted to clear my mind. I was still thinking about that damn license plate. I kept thinking up different ways to arrive at different conclusions, spelling words...it was crazy. I didn't even notice when Bryan rejoined me in the car until he shook me and made me sit back up and start the engine.

"Laura," he said, "you're such a tortured genius. I freaking love you for that."

I thanked him, though I don't know why.

 

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