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02-11-02 - 10:50 p.m. Today I am... perturbed. There is a story behind this. I will tell it to you if you really want to hear it. It involves stupid high school bullshit, the kind I had hoped to escape after graduation, yet seems to keep finding me. About a month ago, someone I knew in middle school, an old acquaintance, rolled her car and died. Mary, I'll call her. I was in San Francisco when my friends heard about it. Kellie called my cell phone and told me about it. I was a little shocked, but not really bothered, as we'd never been close. Kellie, Haley, and Julia attended her funeral. Now, weeks later, they're planning this big girls' night out sort of deal "to commemorate Mary." It will take place this coming Wednesday. I was invited, but immediately declined. They're pretty upset about that. It bothers me that they're going out on the one-month anniversary of someone's death to "celebrate her life." Dinner, ice cream, and a movie. That's the agenda for the evening. I wish I was joking. "God," I said to Kellie when she first brought up the idea to me, "When I die, will you all please celebrate with ice cream and a movie?!" That sorta made her mad. But it makes me mad that here's a girl none of them have given so much as a moment's thought to since sixth grade, when Mary moved away, and suddenly they were all best friends and she's dearly missed. Haley has been using Mary's death as an excuse for everything lately. "Well, my friend just died," has become the automatic response for questions such as, "What's wrong?" and "Where's your homework?" and "How's the weather today?" I just think it royally sucks that they'd do this. Of all the fake, dishonest, pathetic things to do... to use a near-stranger's tragic death as an excuse for being a little piss-ant? Not cool. Not at all cool. Tonight Kellie grilled me to explain to her what my problem was. So I told her, as kindly as possible, exercising as much self-control and decorum as I could muster, even borrowing some from Justin: "I think you people are fake, stupid, immature, and fucking ridiculous." I tried. Kellie went off on this tangient about how after she graduates, all her friends will be going different directions and she'll lose touch with everyone, and she never sees me as it is, so what's wrong with wanting to spend some time with people she loves? I told her her timing sucked. She just got mad and said, "Instead of always disagreeing with everyone, why don't you just withdraw some money from your bank account and have some real fun with your real friends?" I hung up and turned off my cell phone. I know who my real friends are, and they're not people who will celebrate my
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