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02-15-02 - 1:22 p.m. In past jobs, I've gone anywhere from three minutes to three weeks before completely humiliating myself before my boss. All that changed today, as I set a new personal record by making an ass of myself even before my first day. I went to an old field hockey friend's house for breakfast this morning, overstuffed my stomach with the products of her incredible culinary talent, and then came home. Leif was still here when I walked in the door, having spent the night, and not really to my surprise, so was Steve. They wanted to go to the beach. "So go. It's five minutes that way." I pointed in the general direction of outside. "Come with us," suggested Leif. "I feel fat right now." "You look hot." He nudged Steve. "Really hot." "Why do you want me to come?" There was a pause until Leif timidly admitted, "Two guys...alone...no chicks...beach...California...land of fruits and nuts...or fruits with nuts..." "Oh, Jesus." In the end, I decided to go, after subjecting my packed stomach to 200 crunches. The three of us were lying there, with me in the middle, just tanning and throwing back a few Budweisers apiece, when Leif rolled over and started kissing me. Never one to refuse a good kisser, I returned the favor, holding onto his neck as he moved his knee to rest in between my legs. With Steve asleep (passed out?) and Leif and I otherwise occupied, how was I to know that my new boss was approaching and had recognized me? Even though my eyes were closed, I could tell that someone was standing over Leif and me. I opened my eyes and saw, behind Leif's head, the shadowed figure of my new boss. I gasped, pushed Leif off of me, and grabbed my towel to cover up. "Well, hello!" he said. I didn't really know what to say. "Uh...hi." "I'll be seeing you on Wednesday at seven-thirty, then?" "...Right." "I doubt I have any need to say so, but have a nice day!" "You...too. Sir." He chuckled and walked away. I paused for a minute, not knowing what to do. Leif burst out laughing and I called him an asshole and pushed him over. We ended up struggling to awaken Steve and going home soon after that. So my new boss has now seen me in a bikini. Interesting. I swear if Leif doesn't stop calling me "Erin Brockovich" I'm gonna beat him up.
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