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02-21-02 - 10:35 p.m.

Is it wrong of me to want to be informed of my mother's condition before distant relatives?

Kellie called me earlier to tell me our mom lost her balance after spending 24 hours feeling dizzy, exhausted, and weak, before being rushed to the hospital, where she is now, undergoing a bunch of tests.

I absolutely cannot deal with this. As a result, my liver is taking a very severe beating and I really don't give a shit what anybody thinks about that. Bryan and Justin left this afternoon to go snowboarding in Big Bear.

I usually love having the apartment to myself, but not when I'm feeling this alone.

Here is the truth: Sharon can't die. It just isn't an option. It is NOT an option. She will NOT die. I am not about to sit here and lose TWO mothers in the space of a year!

I'm going to die of liver cirrhosis. That's how my life will end. I'm not going to kill myself; I'm going to die of liver cirrhosis. Actually, I guess that sort of is killing myself, but not the kind categorized as "suicide." Suicide's just stupid and never works anyway.

It's 10:45. Janet's usually in bed by 9:30. Rob usually works until 11. The liquor store is open 24 hours.

Decisions, decisions...

One choice leaves me with a nasty hangover, one I'd likely end up sleeping with and later regretting, and one charges by the half-hour.

Decisions.

Hey, I can wink with both my eyes. What an amazing discoverytraction. Maybe I'll just sit here and wink all night.

I know someone I'd like to call, but it's long-distance, almost 1:00 there, and she hates me anyway.

On second thought, I think I'll just go bang my head against my bedroom wall until I pass out.

THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE!!!!!

 

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