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03-22-02 - 11:42 p.m. I was reading old diary entries today and found a quiz I'd taken last November. I've cut out the questions that don't matter and updated the rest. I see: Bryan and Justin making out on the couch. Seconds later, after I have told them to take it to their room, I see Bryan's middle finger in the air, while he continues to kiss his boyfriend. I need: to call my parents. Just cause. I find: myself becoming less and less selfish as the days go by. Is this me growing up, or just some sort of hormonal imbalance? I want: Rob to stop being an asshole. I wish: I could convince myself that he hasn't been using me all this time. I hate: that I'm still so dependent on men. I miss: the security of a relationship. I fear: ending up ultimately alone. I feel: exhausted, like I'm being taken advantage of by my non-working roommates. I hear: Bob Dylan singing "Subterranean Homesick Blues." I smell: like Victoria's Secret Garden Refreshing Shower Gel in 'Endless Love.' I crave: emotional independence. I long for the day when I won't feel as though I have to have a man's consent in order to feel good about myself. I search: on Google for information about anemia during pregnancy because I am both anemic and pregnant. I wonder: how much weight I'm gonna gain and if I'll be able to lose it easily. I wonder also how I'll measure up, as a parent. I regret: leaving Cambridge, not telling anyone about being abused as a kid, and showing Amber where and how to get a razor. When was the last time you... Smiled?: Yesterday. Laughed?: Yesterday. Cried?: About 20 minutes ago. Hormones plus fear, I guess. I'm not used to being afraid. Bought something?: This morning. Victoria's Secret has some cute stuff in. Also I bought a shirt from GAP, a bikini from J. Crew, and a skirt from Urban Outfitters. Danced?: It's been too long Was sarcastic?: Can't have been long ago. Kissed someone?: If pets don't count, then a few days ago. My mom. Talked to an ex?: Ugh. Watched your favorite movie?: This morning. Had a nightmare?: Last night. Do you... Smoke?: no Do drugs?: no Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Neither, actually Remember your first love?: Yes. Still love him/her?: Yes. Hate yourself?: A lot less, recently.
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