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04-12-02 - 6:59 a.m.

And then there's the bit about nearly frying myself to death yesterday which I can't believe I was going to leave out.

While dating Leif, I learned a lot about the world of the electric guitar. I learned about amps, about pedals, about the way different sounds are made, a sort of beginner's course in rock technology.

He let me watch him modify his amplifiers and soon I wanted to try, too. So he taught me to use a soldering iron and all about the basics of amp repair and upgrade.

Yesterday afternoon, in a bout of I-called-in-sick-so-I-could-stay-home-and-sleep-but-now-I-have-insomnia-and-am-really-bored(om), I decided to put my education to work. I took apart one of the old amps Leif had given me to "play with," borrowed my mechanic neighbor's soldering iron, and started playing.

And now I'd like to share some advice: When you're working on a guitar amp, make sure of the following two things:

A) it's unplugged
B) you're not barefoot and drinking (I had water)

I nearly killed myself because of those two things. I'm so not even kidding. I burned the shit out of my finger, too. I had a solder in one hand, which brushed against the AC, and the soldering iron in the other (which is grounded by its own plug)�it was AC (120vac) so it'll pretty much nail you on contact. You don't even have to be in any circuit path.

If I had been touching any part of that grounded solder gun, the current would have shot right from one hand to the other�straight through my heart. The current grabbed me for a good full second. It was weird, I just started shaking and these painful jolts shot through my body, even down into my legs.

Soon as I realized I was alive, I screamed as many expletives as I could as loudly as I could, then I unplugged everything and threw some water on my face. Then I went to the grocery store because I was out of milk and to the emergency room to make sure I was still pregnant, which I am, and by some miracle, The Kid is fine, but now I'll have to get routine checkups to make sure it won't be retarded, which is something that can happen when a fetus is electrocuted. I was still shaking afterwards, for like half an hour or so. It was strange. And ever since, I've had really bad heartburn. I don't know if that's related or not. I took an eight-hour nap and last night, I felt like I was going to throw up and/or collapse. But it could have been morning sickness. It's about 7:05 a.m. now and I'm all dressed and ready for work, but I think I'll call in sick again. I just don't feel well. At all. I still have some heartburn and a hideous migraine and I just suddenly remembered why I'm so against the electric chair.

 

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