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05-07-03 - 11:21 p.m. Yesterday punkwad Ricky was playing Let's Try To Bounce Each Other Off on his friend's trampoline with three other boys, and he lost. So I got to spend a good amount of time at the ER last night as one injury after another was reported to me. He has a mild concussion�this is what scares me most. (Obviously.) A mild concussion is still a concussion, and those things fuck you the hell up. Both his wrists are broken, and he's now in these ridiculous casts up to just above his elbows, so he's got Barbie arms. In fact, that's his new name: Barbie. Ken, as I recall, had straight arms, so Barbie it is. Or Skipper. Haha...Skipper. Anyway, he also had to get 17 stitches on his forehead, he's bruised all over the place...little fucker scared the SHIT out of me. I honestly do not know what I would do without him. I mean, I'd obviously try to kill myself, but I absolutely cannot die (despite my best efforts) so I dunno what would happen. Killing spree, maybe? At least that way I'd get sentenced to death, and would be able to die, which would be the only wish of mine at that point. But yah. So I left Rob with him at the hospital and rushed home to make some spaghetti, which Ricky loves. I make my own sauce (oh yah, I'm that good) and I used big straw-shaped noodles (rotelle?) instead of angel hair. I had planned on having it ready for him, a good end to a bad day. *Ring ring* "Hello?" "Hey, Laura, it's Rob." "Hey, is Ricky still okay?" "Yeah...he uh, he wants to stay with me tonight." "Oh?" "Yeah...and I mean I'll say no, I don't want you to be upset or anything, it's not a problem if you want him home, I totally get that, but I told him I'd call and ask you first." "How can I say it's not okay?" "I think you just did." "No, no, you can take him for the night. It's cool. I was just gonna order in a pizza anyway." "You sure?" "Yeah, of course." "I don't want you getting upset or feeling like he doesn't wanna be with you or anything." "Nah, it's okay. It might be nice to have a night without the little bugger." "Alright. I'll stop by and let him get his stuff in a while." "Okay." "Love you." "Yeah, yeah." *click* And tonight he's staying there, too. Now� I have learned, throughout my years of intensive psychotherapy, that a feeling is never wrong, only an action. That you absolutely cannot help the way you're feeling because it's human nature to have emotions. But that doesn't stop me from feeling foolish when I'm feeling jealous of my boyfriend's spending time with my brother. I mean, Ricky's all I have. Carrie and Kellie both have their own little lives, but Ricky's still molding his, and I'm legally responsible for making sure that his world is safe and conducive to a productive, happy life. I just feel like Ricky is picking Rob over me. That's it in a nutshell. He's been spending a lot of time with Rob. And though I think it's great, that Ricky needs a positive male influence, it still sucks ass.
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