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5-27-01 - 10:21 p.m.

I've never really kept a diary in my entire life. That's not to say I've not expressed my feelings; I've just always been introverted and somewhat paranoid of committing my thoughts to something so easily destroyed as paper. I guess, as with any new thing, I should probably tell something about myself. First off, my name is Laura. My middle name is Elise, and I am a Libra. I also have borderline personality disorder and am clinically depressed. That doesn't mean I want to kill myself, though in 1998 I made a very serious attempt. It's not important. I'll be going to college soon, so there really isn't too much of a point in creating diary entries, but for the next two weeks I may as well spend my time doing something. A little more about myself: I'm a recovering alcoholic...the word "recovering" is a rather strange one to use, actually. I don't really thinkg I'm "recovering" if I still drink. The difference between me now and me months ago is that I don't so much drink to get drunk anymore. Now I just drink because it's there, or because everybody else is doing it. I've stopped using as many drugs as I used to. I don't think I've been high for a long time, actually, and the last time I was it was ecstasy-a drug Time Magazine has declared to be probably the "safest" illegal drug on the market. I've been told by countless friends, family members, and psychologist/psychiatrists (yes, there *is* a difference) that I'm severely fucked up. And, quite frankly, I'd have to agree. Am I "Goth?" Good god no. I don't choose to label myself as anything-not even "fucked up"-for fear of never being able to live down that label.

My philosophies are based mostly on the writings of Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson, tripled with my personal insights. I'm a constant thinker, to the point of exhaustion.

One other thing? I love Britney Spears. She's my freaking idol, I swear. She's beautiful, innovative, and unapologetic. She's truly an inspiration for those of us seeking acceptance in a closed-minded society. Sure, she's totally mainstream, and that's perfectly alright by me. Mainstream media is not evil; Britney Spears is not Satan. Britney's just a girl who knows what works and I admire that in anybody. I'm such a nerd that I know all her music video dance routines by heart (from "...Baby One More Time" to "The Joy Of Pepsi" and even her infamous MTV VMA 2000 striptease performance). On a related note, I won first place in my school's Airband competition by performing her VMA thing. I nearly gave myself a concussion doing so, too, when I smacked the crap out of my forehead towards the end of the performance. You can see it here: Britney Thing - keep in mind it's Real Media, 2.9 MB.

Well, let's see....as far as news in my life is concerned, this coming Saturday is the premiere of my school's production of RENT by Jonathon Larson, which is and has been my number one obsession for about four years. I'm fortunate enough to be portraying Mimi Marquez in the play, and I'm really looking forward to Saturday.

Y'know, I've actually lost all my inspiration for writing a diary entry, so until the next opportunity arises, ta!

 

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