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06-08-03 - 2:16 p.m. Is it weird that I don't like reading about other people's abuse experiences? Especially considering I share some of my own from time to time? I guess what I mean is things like... well, for example, speak-out.diaryland.com, which is a forum-like diary open to anyone who wishes to share their personal experience(s). It's a wonderful idea, and seems to be a great outlet for many people. But me, I hate it. And I can't exactly figure out why. It's the same thing with any other group therapy. I went to a couple AA meetings, one or two heroin addiction recovery things at the hospital following my hellish detox process, and have sat silently biting my fingernails in many group sessions at various mental institutions. I just don't like it. I don't like hearing about people's one-time rape experience and how awful it was. Now, I'm not denying anybody's pain. Pain is pain no matter how you slice it. What I'm saying is that if you continually slice the same place, it's going to leave a deeper wound, and take a lot longer to heal, and the scar it leaves behind will be hideous and impossible to hide. I'm also not saying that I deserve any kind of commendation for having survived "worse" abuse. I will admit that seeing people's heroic rescue stories involving a teacher or nurse or SOMEONE who noticed something out of the ordinairy and TOLD someone about it...those stories infuriate me. Because they make me jealous. Because I never got that. I was sixteen and had seriously attempted suicide twice before anything got done, and in the end it was my neighbor (Sharon) who did anything about it. I just don't know...
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