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8-30-01 - 10:04 p.m. Went out to have the bet with Rob tonight�I won, nine to six. Came home, was enjoying myself immensely, basking in the glory of my tongue ring (gets 'em every time) and Max Factor 2000 Calorie mascara. I was just about to make Rob do 50 push-ups with me sitting on his back as punishment for losing, when who should come to ruin my night but Life itself. My brother�the biological one to whom I haven't spoken in a long time�called me to inform me that our biological mother slit her wrists and died this morning. And so the Summer drags on. And I feel...nothing. I'm numb. I could be in shock, but a part of me knew she would die while I was still young. I hadn't imagined it coming this soon, but I knew it was inevitable. She was a junkie, severely depressed and not treating herself for it, an alcoholic...I'm sure Brent's death must have been some sort of a final straw for her. In three months I have experienced more emotions than I ever even knew existed. I can't even name most of them�they're too complex and too numerous. And now it seems I've overused them and I can feel no more. Again, this could be shock. And yet...it's so incredible I just want to throw my head back and howl with laughter. It's not funny. It's just absolutely unbelievable. If it was me reading someone else's diary, I'd think they were making it all up. It's just that crazy, that absolutely unfathomable. Even I can't believe this summer. I can't believe she's gone. This is a joke. I'm going to wake up tomorrow and someone's going to jump out and shout, "SURPRISE! JUST KIDDING!" And everything will be back to the semi-normal I so desperately miss. It's a good thing Janet likes me. Cuz she's getting a visit tomorrow. Oh yes she is. I think I'm gonna take a break. I'm just gonna go be offline for a bit. I need to think without typing. I need to sleep and I need to eat and I need to think. That's all. If you really wanna know what's up, email my sister. She loves to talk about me. Even when I don't. Hahaha...
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