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9-30-01 - 9:35 a.m. Just discovered through my own cleverness and ingenuity (and the fact that I have about 11 screen names, only one of which most people know about) that someone I considered to be a close online friend...has me on block. She didn't tell me she was going to, and I didn't even think anything was wrong. Sure we'd had a miniature argument two weeks ago, but I had apologized (profusely, I thought) and we were over that. As a supposed close online friend, I'd have thought she would have emailed me or something to let me know she was going to block my screen name, and I would have asked why, and she would have told me, and I would have said it was okay, because I would have understood. I may not have liked it, but I wouldn't have argued with it. Why do people insist on leading me on in friendships and then dropping me right when I really need them? I know I'm easier to deal with when things are going right, but after a summer like this, I need people. I know I do. I can claim independence, but I'm full of shit. Screw it. I'm really more hurt by this than I should be. I'm beginning to think that Bryan's right: Online people aren't any different from offline people. Everyone hurts you in the end. (He didn't say the latter part of it.) And dammit if I can't find my copy of The Wall...I need music therapy. "All in all you're just another brick in the wall..." I spent two hours last night listening to cassette tapes of Laurie and I at age nine singing songs and telling made-up stories on what we called "The Laura and Laura Show." I think it's funny that I was always the quieter one who, in every story, had two evil parent characters. If I was brave I'd upload our rendition of Grass Roots' "Live For Today," which features my nine-year-old self shouting, "ONE! TWO! THREE-E FO-OUR!" Oh my god those were good times...
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