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10-30-01 - 10:37 p.m.

Rob entered the room at around 4:30 this afternoon, told me I was going somewhere with him, and so I went along, confused. We went to Starbucks and stayed for around three hours, sitting at an outside table so I could smoke. He took a few courtesy puffs (I assume so I wouldn't feel alone?) but otherwise talked my ear off for about the first half. During this time he told me he loved me, always had, always would, even if I hated him. (I interjected to say I did not hate him.) He apologized for the Estella business, swore there wasn't actually anything serious between them, that she was actually a girl from his class and he had set the whole thing up just to make me jealous.

Call me bizarre, but I think that's incredibly sweet. Horribly cruel, but sweet all the same.

He said all he wanted was for me to realize that he was sincere about loving me. He said he knows I love him, too, and said he understands that I can't say it, but he wishes I would anyway.

I told him all the things I wrote in yesterday's entry and eventually started crying a little bit, despite my efforts not to. I told him I wanted to love him but was too scared.

He said he understood ("No, you don't," I said) and that no matter what I say, he knows I already do love him. "It's just so obvious, Laura. You're a pretty crappy actress." I laughed.

So I think things are okay right now. I'm at my apartment, he's here, too. So are The Flamboyantly Gay Duo, Justin and Bryan. My apartment gets smaller and smaller by the hour.

Speaking of Bryan�He turned 20 today, and though I gave him his present this afternoon when the delivery truck pulled up (I bought him a bed), we're all going out to celebrate it this Saturday.

Also speaking of Bryan, he and Justin are freakin' weird. I'll get to why in just a second.

In the shower, I made up my mind to tell Rob that I love him. Because I do. He's my best friend. So after throwing on a pair of boxers and a tank top, my drenched hair freezing me half to death, I went into the kitchen where Rob sat, reading the comics in the newspaper and sipping coffee. I stood in front of him, cleared my throat, and announced, in as sincere a voice as I could muster,

"Robert, I love you."

He glanced at me, made a face, said, "Not buyin' it," and returned to his comics. "But feel free to try again."

So I did. "I love you, Robert," I said, and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

Again the same pause. "Better," he said, "but I'm still not convinced."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Get me some more coffee."

"I hate you."

He's mean to me. I sat next to him after refilling his mug and getting one for myself, and pretended to be interested in finishing the crossword puzzle Justin had begun.

And then came in the world's cutest couple. They stood off to the side and Bryan sang, "I can see what's happening."

"What?" Justin asked.

"And they don't have a clue."

I rolled my eyes.

"Who?"

"They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line, our cuatro's down to two."

"Oh."

Rob didn't get it. I did. I told them they were banned from watching the Disney Channel for one month.

My life...is just a never-ending episode of Friends.

People have been asking me what I'm wearing for Halloween. You reeeeeally wanna know? Well, it was Bryan's idea. He's going as Hugh Hefner. Justin and I are his Playboy bunnies. We've been arguing over which of us is the cuter bunny. I still say he is.

If I wake up tomorrow to find that today was a dream, I'll be pissed. This was a well-deserved Good Day.

 

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