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11-06-01 - 4:36 p.m.

The first part of this is an email quiz stolen from Lily, who stole it from Honey-Blade.

I see: My computer and more specifically, my goofy-looking self, practicing the finger movements from the "I'm A Slave 4 U" dance with my webcam because I am too lazy to get up and do it in front of a mirror.

I need: to stop obsessing over my hand and leave it alone so it can heal.

I find: that the more I touch my wound, the more it hurts. I also find that my logic surpasses that of anyone else in this world.

I want: it to be Friday so I can be on vacation, relaxing and perhaps getting a professional massage. Mm...professional massage...

I wish: it were Friday.

I hate: myself, but I'll grow out of it. It's getting better...

I miss: the days before people knew I wasn't perfect. And yet I don't.

I fear: myself, sometimes.

I feel: really energized right now. It's International Britney Spears Day, according to Justin. (Her CD came out today in America.)

I hear: the voices of three Britney-obsessed people shouting along to "Cinderella," which not only shows off her new talent (singing) but also some DAMN good lyrics.

I smell: My current fragrance-of-choice. It's Victoria's Secret Love Spell body spray. I smell like a Tropical Punch Starburst...mm, Starburst...

I crave: love, respect, power, and Tropical Punch Starbursts.

I search: for the patience to actually achieve the goals I've set for myself.

I wonder: where Rob is. He can't drive, but his car's gone and I know he has no classes or work right now...punk-ass.

I regret: nothing. Everything is a learning experience. Or so I keep telling myself.

When was the last time you...

Smiled?: A few minutes ago when Bryan and Justin took my picture.

Laughed?: a few hours ago when I tripped over a huge piece of nothing and toppled to the ground in front of half my restaurant.

Cried?: Last night.

Bought something?: Not in person, but I gave Bryan money to get me the Britney CD from K-Mart so I could get the free poster with it. (Okay, I'm a nerd.)

Danced?: Do I ever stop?

Was sarcastic?: Recently, I would assume.

Kissed someone?: About twenty minutes ago. Bryan gave me the poster and the CD and I kissed him full on the lips. He said I kiss "pretty good, for a girl."

Talked to an ex?: If Rob counts, then this morning.

Watched your favorite movie?: It's been months, though that's not a bad idea.

Had a nightmare?: Yesterday.

What was the...

Last book you read?: Utopia by Sir Thomas More. Amazing man, More.

Last movie you saw?: Victoria and Albert on whatever channel that was. History Channel, I think. Very good. Sure would be nice to be in a love like that!

Last thing you had to drink?: Bottle of water.

Last time you showered?: Two hours ago, maybe more.

Last thing you ate?: Half a peach.

Do you...

Smoke?: yes

Do drugs?: Not anymore, unless you count alcohol, which I'm still working on.

Have sex?: Yes.

Sleep with stuffed animals?: Nope.

Live in the moment?: Probably too much.

Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Neither, actually

Have a dream that keeps coming back?: nope

Play an instrument?: Currently I'm resisting Rob's attempts at teaching me the guitar.

Remember your first love?: Yes.

Still love him/her?: ...

Read the newspaper?: Yes.

Have any gay or lesbian friends?: Good lord yes.

Believe in miracles?: No.

Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: Not really. Victoria remained faithful to Albert after he died, never marrying again, never loving again, but that was just a fluke.

Consider yourself tolerant of others?: I'm impatient with people, so not really.

Consider love a mistake?: It probably is, but I don't really know how much authority I have on the subject.

Like the taste of alcohol?: Taste? No. Effects? Yes.

Have a favorite candy?: Yes. Tropical Punch Starbursts...

Believe in astrology?: No.

Believe in magic?: No.

Believe in God?: No.

Pray?: No.

Go to church?: No.

Have any secrets?: Of course. There are things people will never know about me. I'm just like that.

Have any pets?: My cat, Rob's goddam smelly ugly hermit crabs.

Go to or been to college?: ...ehh...

Talk to strangers who instant message you?: Sure. A quick note about that: When you IM me, that's cool. HOWEVER, please do not wait for a long time before telling me who the hell you are! When I ask where you know me from, just say Diaryland! I know I have my screen name in my profile. Just SAY SO. Don't scare me into thinking you're some freaky-ass stalker who's found me some other way. Just introduce yourself! Ugh.

Wear hats?: Sometimes. I have my sexy fedora and my fun-loving cowboy hat and my ghetto-fabulous beanie. Love 'em to wear aroud the house.

Have any piercings?: Ears, nipples, navel, and tongue. Navel and tongue. (It sounds like a song.)

Have any tattoos?: Fairy on my hip, butterfly on my back.

Hate yourself?: Yes. I do. La ti frickin' da.

Have an obsession?: RENT, Coca-Cola Bears, the life and times of Britney Spears. People get defensive when I say I like her and feel it's necessary to tell me their negative opinion as though I care. Even I can admit she's intellectually equalled to a small chunk of granite.

Collect anything?: Britney Spears memorabilia, Coca-Cola Bears.

Have a best friend?: Robert Dean Moriarty.

Wish on stars?: No.

Like your handwriting?: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooyah, it's okay.

Have any bad habits?: Drinking, smoking, chewing pens, cracking my ankle and wrists, playing with my hair, picking at my teeth, fucking people I don't know, verbal road rage ("road annoyance"), biting my nails.

Care about looks?: In me, yes. In others, not really, unless it's something truly inappropriate, like party hats at a funeral.

Believe in witches?: I believe that the religion of "Wicca" or "Witchcraft" exists, however I don't believe for one second that they have powers like spell-casting.

Believe in ghosts?: No.

Enough of that.

Today was blah. There were no high points, there were no low points. Everything was somewhere in that great expanse of "in-between," where I typically feel most comfortable. My hand hurts but I'm taking care of it. I shouldn't have cut, I know this. There were people here I could have talked to and I have an incredible therapist who's always just seven digits away. Ten, actually, what with the area code crap. I like this comfortable medium. I think I'll attempt to stay here for a while.

I've been reading some of my old diary entries. I'm coming up on my 200th (already!) and I've been trying to point out my hypocrisy as well as see how much (if at all) my writing has improved, if my life has been better or worse, things like that. If you're reading this and you remember anything I ever said that stuck out in your mind, lemme know. Email me or sign my guestbook or, Diaryland members, leave me a note.

 

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