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11-07-01 - 10:12 p.m. More fun Google hits! 1.) "Cosmopolitan pubic shaving" 2.) "Diaryland we fucked" 3.) "What Leif Ericson looked like" #1 intrigues me the most, I must say. That's a pretty random search. Tonight I'm okay. Again I had a day of neither ups nor downs, still lingering quietly in my comfortable medium and packing for this weekend's excursion. I'm bringing my laptop. I'll update from the hotel, never you worry. Diaryland is my healthy addiction, likely the only one my therapist will ever encourage. That should be an advertising slogan. Are you reading, Andrew? I just took a moment to pause and giggle at myself. I just took a calcium pill, a multi-vitamin, and a handful of skittles, though not all at once. Don't they seem to contradict, though? Nutrition supplements. Skittles. Anyway... ___________________ Thanks to everybody who emailed, IM'd, signed my guestbook, left me a note, or contacted me in some other way just to say you care. I'll probably never say it again, but I really appreciate that more than any of you can know, and it really makes me smile. So, thank you. All of you. ___________________ My hand doesn't hurt today as much as it did yesterday. I took it easy at work, only went for a few hours, came home, took a very brief nap (about 45 minutes), and then came online because Chris had a psychology paper she wanted me to edit. I think my official title should be Madame Psychology Paper Editor, because that's how it seems to be among my high school companions. The guy situation: I have the tiniest of crushes on Leif. It's puppy love. Lust, even. I invited him over for dinner last night. It was completely innocent. Rob was at work. Justin, Bryan, Leif, and I all sat around eating the simple pasta I had made and told the stupidest jokes we could think of. Rob came home in the middle of it. I formally introduced Leif and Rob and though Rob was extremely polite and courteous, I could tell he felt uncomfortable. After Leif left, Rob asked me questions about my relationship with him. I told him we were just friends. That's the truth. I know he wants us back together and I know a lot of people want us back together, too. But it's so complicated and so difficult to be with him that I don't know if I can stand the pressure again just yet. It's not that he's a difficult person. I fill that role. It's just that we know each other so well that we refuse to put up with one another's crap. I can see through all his defenses as he does mine. All we do is freakin' break up. Then make up and get back together. Then we break up. Then we get back together. Then we berak up. It's absolutely exhausting. I love him, yes, but I think we both (I, especially) have a lot of growing up to do before our relationship can progress into something truly genuine. As it is now, we're still a fairly high school-esque couple, caught up in our own vanity and trying to see past it to the slowly emerging deep feelings I know we both have for one another. If the love is there, it's gonna be there for a while, plenty of time for us to get comfortable with ourselves separately before attempting a comfortable union. Did that make any sense? It's late and my migraine medication is making me increasingly sleepy. Plus my migraine is murdering any intelligent thought I may have experienced. So I must now go to bed.
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