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11-21-01 - 2:54 p.m. Today I was working and reconsidering my decision against attending college. It occurred to me that someone of my intelligence level ought not to squander what I have in my head by waiting hand and foot on a bunch of lowly perverts day in and day out for less than $10/hour when I could be attending college, expanding my mind without drugs, meeting new people, experiencing all the exciting things that go along with "the college experience," and all the other stuff advertised in the brochures. I've already done the hard part. I was accepted. It's just a matter of me getting up off my ass and motivating myself to not let my brain get in the way of my mind's old ambition. I have no idea what my major would be, I'd probably gain 15 pounds, and I know I'd practically kill myself with the workload, but anything's got to be better than nothing, which is what I'm doing now. I don't want to see Noah again, but I don't want to keep letting men control my every decision. I just don't know how I'd make it on my own. Without Bryan. Without Janet. Am I brave enough to try again to find out? Janet thinks I am, and she apparently knows someone in Boston who happens to be, in her opinion, "spectacular." But it wouldn't be the same. Do I really want to keep everything "the same?" Isn't that one of my problems, this daily dullness that constantly drives me insane? I'm still sick. I might go see a doctor Friday. Can't tonight. Britney in Los Angeles. Staples Center. THIRD ROW FLOOR SEATS. Ahem.
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