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12-28-01 - 3:26 p.m. Fuckin' A. Today on Life With Laura... I didn't mention it here (laziness) but a few weeks ago, a girl named Sari called me. Sari had lived with me in the ward at Bayview. We were fairly close, about as close as two psychos in rehab could ever hope to be, I guess. Now Sari has a kid. I briefly met her son, Mike, when she came over to meet Bryan and Justin and exchange post-Bayview stories. She's done very well and told me that getting pregnant had been a sort of wake-up call for her to grow up and start behaving like an adult. She jokingly said, "You should get yourself one!" I told her I almost did. Accidentally. Anyway so she called me again today, sounding desperate, saying she had to leave for four days and had no one to watch Mike for her and was there any way at all I could take care of him for a little while? I let her go on for a bit about how many people she had called and she couldn't afford daycare and Mike's father was just a waste of time, yadda yadda yadda...and was sorta forced to agree. Anyone within earshot would have heard my half of the phone conversation, which went something like this: "No." "No."
"No."
"No."
"No."
"No."
"Okay." I told her I'm horrible irresponsible, that I don't really like kids, and that my apartment is in no way child-proofed. Her argument: "Well, you're smart." I gotta remember that one. "Well, Officer, I know I was driving 70 in a 35 zone, but you see, I'm smart." I told my Hot Male Roommates about Sari's request. They're positively ecstatic. Said Justin, "Considering we'd never even be legally allowed to have a kid of our own, this'll be fun!" I asked why he felt he'd never be able to adopt. He shrugged. "I think the state thinks me and Bry'll turn a kid gay. Can't have too many gays running around and acting all gay." So I'm going to be babysitting for four days, a child. Four, I think, is his age. I could be wrong. He arrives tomorrow. My goal is to keep the kid alive. Bryan and Justin can handle the entertaining, the feeding, the keeping-out-of-troubling...I have a road trip to plan. Actually, there's a (very small) part of me that's really excited. I've always told people I don't have a maternal instinct. Or perhaps it was beaten out of me by my own mother. Trust me, I know this is a mistake. That's why I'm going to let Bryan and Justin handle most of it. I'll take him to the zoo and Sea World or something. And stay the hell off drugs. Seriously. I swear to god if Sari isn't back to pick him up exactly when she said she'd come, I'm gonna freak. I don't know who's crazier: Sari for trusting ME with her very impressionable son, or me for trusting myself with her very impressionable son.
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