|
|
12-29-01 - 11:54 p.m. At around 10:00 tonight, Mike had been asleep for over an hour, but was suddenly up, standing in my doorway, flanked by Bryan, looking terrified with tear-stained cheeks. "What's the matter?!" I freaked, looking more at Bryan than at Mike. "I had a bad dweam," Mike said rather timidly. "Must be all those dinosaurs!" So I signed off (sorry to anyone I ditched) and went over to smooth his hair and put my arms around him. Bryan told me Mike had gone into his and Justin's room by mistake, not knowing where to find me. (I've given Mike my bedroom for a few days and am sleeping on the pull-out couch bed in the living room.) I led Mike back to my room by the hand, turned on the light, and tucked him back in bed. He wanted water. I got him water. He wanted me to take him to the bathroom. I took him to the bathroom. He wanted cookies. Had to draw the line there. Lying outside the covers on the bed next to him, I asked what his dream was about. He told me dinosaurs had come out of the ocean and stomped on all the cars and houses. Worse, they ate all the people. I told him that it was a really scary dream and assured him nothing like that could ever happen. "How come?" he asked. "You think I'd let a dinosaur anywhere near my car?" Mike giggled. He said I'm funny. I mussed his hair and told him to get some sleep. As I left the room, after double-checking to see that he had brushed his teeth ("Smile!") I closed the door behind me and made my way back to my own bed. Bryan, who now stood eating powdered donuts in the kitchen behind me, said he thought I had done very well for someone who hates kids. I thanked him, noticing for the first time just how tense I'd been feeling. I'd given myself apprehension; taking care of children is something I don't normally enjoy. But this, this was pure tension. Bryan must have noticed it, too, because he came over, partially coated in white powder, and asked me what was wrong. I took a moment to search my mind for the one thing I felt could alleviate my problem. "I need a fix." "No you don't." "Yes. I do." "With the kid right in there? You swore you'd be clean for four days. What about cold-turkeying?" "To hell with that. Where'd Justin hide my stash?" "He threw it all out." "Figures. I still have some alcohol in my room, though." "So you're going to go in there, with the kid fast asleep, dig around for some booze, and wake the kid up? Just so you can get drunk?" "Yes." "That's beyond lame, Laura." I ended up drinking as much non-alcoholic egg nog as I could, just to fill my stomach and coat my throat so I would feel too sick to want to use. Sari called today to check up on her son (or perhaps on me) and the two spent a few minutes talking. His face lit up when I announced who was on the other end. Very cute. One day down, three to go. Where the fuck do little kids find their energy?!
|