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7-4-01 - 1:33 a.m. This diary entry is the work of one very pissed-off Hoebag. It contains graphic language and should not be viewed by anybody with strong moral fiber. You have been warned. I had sex with Noah today. That's right. We fucked. And I liked it. Why then, should I be angry? Well, y'see, I had told Kellie and everybody else I know that I wanted to "take it slow" with Noah. I'm sure I've said the same thing a zillion times in a number of separate diary ramblings. So I changed my mind. Big deal. GET OVER IT. I went to class today, then invited Noah over for some lunch. Recently Lexi purchased some actual groceries and I was craving a turkey sandwich. So I made us a pair of identical lunches (he's just as picky an eater as I am-yay!) and we sat down to eat and watch one of the three movies Lexi and I own-Forrest Gump. Halfway through Forrest's college days, Noah and I started kissing, then making out, and eventually his hands were reaching behind me to unclasp my bra beneath my shirt. He looked at me and asked if I wanted to "keep going." I nodded and he picked me up and carried me to my room (he's a lot stronger than I would have thought) ...and the rest is history. Or is it? My cell phone was on my bedside table, and just as Noah was taking off his shirt, it rang. I answered it, only to find Kellie on the other line. She wanted to know why I was too busy to talk to her. I didn't say anything about what was going on, but she apparently "knows me too well" and could guess for herself what was occupying me. I turned off my cell, and just a few minutes ago checked for any voicemail messages she or anybody else might have left. This is the gist of what I heard: "God dammit, you stupid slut, can't you keep your clothes on for ten minutes?! You told me, and Barbara, and Sparkler, and Chris, and Rob, and everybody else that you'd changed. And because we're stupid we all believed you! Well, ask me if I'll ever believe another word you say, you dumb whore, and the answer will be not only no, but hell no!" *click* Sisterly love at its finest, no? I'm not at all bothered that she called me stupid twice, nor that she referred to me by two different forms of the word "prostitute." I am bothered by the fact that she swears she is so completely nonjudgmental, and then judges me. She calls me a hypocrite because I tell her I'm more interested in getting to know Noah before I sleep with him, and then sleep with him before I really get to know him. How is my hypocrisy any worse than her own? I had sex with Noah because I wanted to. I honestly wanted to have sex with him. Is wanting to make love to someone with whom one is romantically involved such a crime? I don't believe sex is something only married people should enjoy, and it's not like Kellie's a virgin, either. Admittedly she's just barely not one, whereas I'm...er, the opposite...but that shouldn't matter. I'm not living my life to meet her standards. Not hers or anyone else's. I might be a slut but it's no business of hers. Which brings me to my next issue... Every single time I do something Kellie disapproves of, she broadcasts it to all our mutual friends like it's the latest conversation trend. They of course act like they don't know anything about it, and prefer to instead talk about it with Kellie, and with everyone else who knows, behind my back. Am I wrong to be angry that Kellie feels it is her right to tell everyone and their goddam dog about what I do? Is it strange of me to want my friends to address me to my face when they have something about me on their minds? If so, either one, that's how I feel. If what Kellie wants is an apology, then that's too bad. I'm not about to apologize for doing something I wanted to do with someone I wanted to do it with. In the past, yes, I have given in to guys' sexual wishes. However, that was not the case today. Today I wanted it, he wanted it, and so we did it. Simple as that. Nobody got hurt-not even me-and Noah and I still very much want to be involved with one another. I believe that it's Kellie who owes me an apology-for every time she's gone and told people about things I've done, for telling my news. If I want somebody to know about it, I will tell that person myself! I'm sexually active, but I'm not stupid about it. We used protection, I'm on birth control, I get tested for STDs on a routine basis...why? Because I don't want to put myself or anyone else in any danger. I'm not a stupid slut. I'm a clean slut and I have a brain. I don't brag about my sex life, so why should she? If she's jealous, then she and her boyfriend can go off and fuck each other. And I won't tell a soul.
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