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7-24-01 - 1:21 a.m. Watched some TV today, saw a Disneyland commercial... Can somebody explain to me why if we're in such a terrible energy crisis the Main Street Electrical Light Parade (ahem: Disney's Electrical Parade) is making its comeback? I don't get it. I called Kellie tonight...after she had spent nearly 90 minutes abusing my cell phone's ringtone receiving capabilities by sending me "Yellow Submarine" repeatedly. I despise that song. Great band, gotta love Ringo, but come on. It's even worse when it's played out in high-pitched cell phone beeps. Anyway so we talked for a bit, and it was pretty nice, and she told me to come over tomorrow (today) cuz she'd have the house to herself. She tried to convince me that George had thrown me out in anger, but I know better. I know I deserved I it. I deserved it a long time ago. I've received a few emails and several phone calls telling me what I already know. They all say the same thing, which is: "You know what you have to do, and it's so easy, so why don't you just do it and be happy?" If it was "so easy," I would have done it a long time ago. I've tried to stop drinking. I seriously have. I've been to inpatient rehab clinics, outpatient monitored self-rehabilitation, Al-Anon, the works. Nothing seems to stem my need for alcohol, though, and I'm becoming convinced that nothing I ever do will last long enough to keep me from wanting to drink myself silly. So where do I go from here? I was drinking earlier today, and then started smoking a cigarette. "Regular smoking" isn't something I've ever been prone to taking up-having been raised in California, an extrememly anti-smoking state, I've always thought it to be the opposite of "cool," unlike drinking and using. But it was something to do. Maybe that's part of my problem-I'm constantly bored. Taking up hobbies doesn't seem to help, and now that I'm out of high school, not working or participating in extracurricular crap at all hours of the night and day, I'm left with plenty of time to waste myself. Hmm. I think I should probably also go back to seeing my therapist on a routine basis. Probably, I say. "Definitely" is what I should have said. I'll look into it... In other, less "deep" news, I'm considering chopping off all my hair. I have very long hair, dark brown with a maroon hint to it-dyed that way, of course, slightly wavy (extremely wavy whenever I don't do stuff to make it less so) and I'm getting tired of it. And I swear to god if the Main Street Electrical Light Parade theme song doesn't get out of my head in the next ten seconds I'm going to...um...hum it for another six or seven hours. You know it. Everyone knows it. Doot do do doot doot do do do do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do-do-do do do do do do do do doot! Arrrrghhh!!!
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